Do you by any chance shop at PetCo?...

I get into the office at 9:20 am on Monday. "Where have you been?!" My boss asks, frantically. "My bus gets in at 9:19," I explain. "And it takes me about a minute to walk over here from there. What's up? How was your weekend?"

"Horrible!" He exclaims. "I lost my wallet!"

Very nearly out of breath, he tells me how he had his bookkeeper call all of his credit card companies to see if there had been any activity on them--there hadn't but he's sure he's going to have to cancel all of them and what about his drivers license? He's supposed to go in for a driving test next Wednesday and how's he going to take the test if he doesn't have his license? He's required to bring it!

After a little more freaking out, I come back into my office. As I walk in, I see a stack of books that he angrily put on my desk about a week and a half ago ("I don't want these on my desk anymore!"). As I go over to move them, I see what can only be described as a George Costanza wallet. It's probably about 2 inches thick, I'd guess it took about a half of a cow to make this thing. I pick it up and go back into his office. "Is this what you're looking for?" I ask. His eyes light up. "Oh, I could kiss you!" He takes the wallet. "I can't believe, all this time it was on your desk! I should've looked in there, first, but..." as he goes to put it in his jacket pocket, his face changes. Confused, he lifts his hand out. Dangling from his fingers is a keyring with a Volkswagon key, a PetCo card and a few extra keys hanging from it. "Whose are these?"

"Um, sir, I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?!"

We argued about this for a while, how I could possibly not know whose keys were mysteriously in his jacket pocket and whose they might be (every suggestion I made was met with "NO!"). Then, at the end of the day around 3:00 in the afternoon, the school's vice president's secretary came down to my office. She introduced herself and then, almost sheepishly, asked "do you by any chance know where the governor is?"

"He should be in his office," I said. "Why?"

"Oh, I just lent him my keys this morning so he could get into his office," she explained. "I thought he was going to return them, but..."

"I'm sorry," I interrupted. "Do you by any chance drive a Volkswagon and shop at PetCo?"

"Yes..." Confused look. "How did you know?"

"Never mind. I'll go get your keys."