this story is from a while ago, the first few months i worked here. i almost can't believe i haven't added it to the collection yet, but here it is just the same...

probably the third month i worked here, the governor was told he had bladder cancer. he had a procedure done and whatever it was got removed, tested, and ended up not really being so much "cancerous" as just "something we decided to charge you a lot to cut out of your body, governor." it's a story i have had to hear, type into letters, and tell to people visiting more times than i'd really like to admit.

the doctors suggested that, as both a precaution and a general good idea, the governor start drinking more water. this is not bad advice, and is also something that every single member of his family felt the need to call and tell me, every day over the course of a week. finally, at the end of that week, i informed the governor that i was going to buy a case of bottled water and have him drink one bottle a day.

"why?"

"well," i explained, "because it's a good idea." when met with a blank stare, i went on "listen, you're supposed to drink eight glasses a day, but if you did that, i suspect that your new hobby would be peeing. i'm asking for one bottle a day. that's it."

"but why?"

i tried to explain that his family was worried about him, that it was something everyone is supposed to do anyway, that it's healthy, smart, et cetera.

after a long pause, he spoke, visibly annoyed. "my dear," he began, "i was in the FUCKING UNDERGROUND. i didn't drink a goddamn glass of water then, and i survived THAT. i don't need to start now."

for those of you keeping score, i'll let you know that i did not end up buying that case of water. the same bottle has been sitting on is desk since probably october. we moved offices the week after christmas and the bottle moved with us. i'm looking at it right now.

lesson of the day: if one did not need to drink one "goddamn" glass of water in nazi occupied france during the 1940s, one need not begin said habit now.

even if one recently celebrated his 88th birthday.